I’ve always been a planner. I like to think God planned it that way.. because He’s a planner too.. and therefore all the lists and excessive worrying are ok.. right? Wrong. Thankfully.. most of my planning gets taken over by playing these days. That’s because #1) Willow’s fun #2) Early Intervention encourages play and #3) I’m learning how to live in the moment. I write “learning” because I still have lists lying around my house and I all too easily get sucked back in to my worry wart ways. Especially when it comes to Willow. Which brings me to this past Sunday……..
Willow was sleeping.. the other kids were playing.. and I found myself in front of the Sunday paper. Ahhhhh. While I usually cut straight to the coupons.. I found myself paging through the headlines. And then came the obituaries. My eyes were instantly drawn to a familiar face. I did not know the person.. but I felt like I did. That’s because the man.. who was 61 years old when he died.. had Down Syndrome. As I scanned his obit I couldn’t help but wonder.. “is this what Willow’s life will be like?” The man liked country music.. bowling.. tv.. and his mom. Now.. I’m pretty sure Willow won’t end up liking country music. That’s because her father and I won’t let her. But in every other area of this man’s life.. I could picture Willow. And that’s when the questions started…
Will Willow be happy? Will Willow talk? Will Willow go to school? Will she have a job? Will she live on her own or will she live with us forever? What happens when we die? Where will she go? Who will love her? Or worse yet.. what happens if she dies before us? How will we handle it? What will we do?
Needless to say.. the tears started flowing. And of course I happened to read this obituary minutes before my husband and I were to leave for a dinner date with some friends. Thankfully I have a wonderful partner who knows how to calm me down. Walking into the restaurant that night.. he reached for my hand.. gave it a squeeze.. offered a sympathetic smile.. and assured me that I’m not alone. He’s right. I’m not alone. We’re not alone.
It’s times like this that I need to remember the old fire safety tip I learned as a child. Stop. Drop. And Roll. When worry starts weighing me down.. I need to stop.. drop the load at the feet of Jesus and roll on. Live in the moment. I have no idea what the future will be like. Heck.. my older kids may be the ones living with us while Willow brings home the bacon! Who knows! So why am I worrying?? Why?
Stop. Drop. And Roll.