My Journey into Motherhood

Jesus and Clomid.

That’s the recipe we followed to get our firstborn. For those unfamiliar, Clomid is a fertility drug. Obviously, my journey to becoming a mother took some work. But, it eventually paid off. In 2007, we got ourselves a son.

Roughly two years later, we got a daughter. Getting pregnant with her wasn’t as hard. Thank God, as by then I had realized the work doesn’t end with becoming pregnant. Oh no…

This motherhood stuff is hard. Bloody hard.

Did I forget to mention both my babies had colic? How in the world does that happen?

So, in 2013, when I found out I was pregnant with our third child, I was less than excited. Ok, to be honest I was terrified. Angry, too. I hadn’t planned this baby. In fact, I had just started the process of giving away all of our baby stuff. I didn’t want any more kids. Frankly, I couldn’t handle any more.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom. But, as I stated earlier, this stuff is hard. And it ain’t getting any easier. This tweenage crap is real, my friends.

So, there I was, sobbing over a positive pregnancy test, wondering how I got from point A to point C? How does a woman who once longed to be a mother and needed drugs to produce her first child end up with a surprise pregnancy? The answer took some time to discover.

It took a good month before I embraced my third pregnancy. Looking back, I feel awful about that. Horrible. But, how was I to know? How was I to know this child was exactly what I needed?

Willow Faith arrived in September of 2013. Just like her conception, her delivery also held surprises. That’s when we learned Willow has Down syndrome, and at the time, several major heart defects.

The minute I learned the news, nothing made sense, but then again, everything made sense. While I didn’t understand all that was ahead of us, I understood I was meant to be Willow’s mom. The answer I was looking for was right before me, in a tiny enclosed crib.

How does a woman who once longed to be a mother and needed drugs to produce her first child end up with a surprise pregnancy? I’ll tell ya. Jesus.

He knew I needed another. He knew that having Willow would make me a better mom to my other kids. And, He knows I can handle more than I think I can.

Motherhood is hard. It’s gotten even harder since Willow’s arrival. But, wowsers is it a blessing. Every night I put my kids to bed thinking “Dang, I’m happy this day is over.” And every morning I wake up thinking “Thank you Jesus for another day.” As much as motherhood kicks my arse, I love it. I love my kids! And, while it’s crazy to think someone could love them even more than me, Jesus does. And, it’s humbling to think He chose me for this role. He made me a mom. Laken’s mom. Bella’s mom. And, mom to the Mighty Willow.

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all my fellow mommy friends! May you feel special, chosen and uplifted.

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